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Homeless Veteran Finally Gets Council House After Tossing Passport In The Channel And Claiming To Be Eritrean Teenager
Local man says he regrets serving in Afghanistan instead of buying a dinghy ticket, as council immediately provides housing, three hot meals a day, and…
Aug 29
3
Parliament Unites Across Party Lines to Ban Reporting Things That Make Them Look Bad
New “Reputation Preservation Act” criminalises noticing things the government already did
Aug 4
3
HS2 Delayed Until Heat Death of Universe, Transport Minister Confirms
Construction timetable now includes collapse of time and all physical matter.
Jul 24
2
Parliament Orders Mandatory Diversity Training for Entire British Public
British public found to have a worrying lack of alignment with Civil Service values
Jul 16
3
Phone Snatchers Complain About Gentrification Driving Up Moped Costs
Young criminals say soaring prices threaten the future of independent theft
Jul 14
2
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Just Stop Oil to Protest Climate Change by Setting Fire to Public Sympathy
Activists say blocking ambulances, commuters, and reason itself is “raising public awareness”
Jul 9
2
Keir Starmer U-Turns on Election Victory
Labour leader announces plan to delay governing until he’s certain people meant it
Jul 6
3
Heavily Fortified Festival Celebrates Open Borders
Spokesperson insists perimeter security and movement restrictions are decorative only
Jul 2
3
Bob Vylan Appointed Government Advisor on Community Cohesion
Cabinet says few are better placed to unite Britain
Jun 30
4
RAF Brize Norton Security Outsourced to Local Yoga Group
Defence Ministry insists airbase remains “spiritually guarded” despite recent breach
Jun 29
3
Nigel Farage Appoints Nigel Farage to Party Chairman
Farage confident he can work well with himself, despite known clashes
Jun 26
2
NHS Declared Official State Religion
Worshippers advised to book 6 weeks in advance and expect delays
Jun 24
3
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The Crumpet
Satire highlighting the funny, absurd and surreal sides of modern Britain. Still more accurate than the BBC.
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